I am a Mother; I am a Surgeon

Our house is busy! We have 3 kids between the two of us and the youngest is only 1. I have struck a wonderful balance for myself - I think. I get up before everyone in the house and get myself ready for the day. I hate getting up early but this is a small sacrifice if I am to weigh the options. If I get up at the same time as my kids I have to struggle to get them ready and myself ready at the same time. This inevitably leads to me yelling and us all being late. If I get up 1/2 an hour before the kids I can have my shower in peace and it sets a nice tone for the rest of my day. I cannot stand yelling at my kids, freaking out and being late. This is horrible for the cortisol and adrenaline levels and sets the stage for a chaotic day. I drop both of my kids off at Montessori School at 8:50 a.m. and then I have 3 free hours to get done what I need to get done. This could be work, groceries, dry cleaning, banking, etc. Then at 11:50 a.m. I pick up my son to get him home for lunch and nap. When I pick up my son I get to see my daughter playing in the yard with her friends. She is such a cool kid. She is always running around, laughing, and playing with kids of all different ages. I get my son home just in time to give him his lunch and get him down for his nap. Once he is asleep I do the laundry and ironing and prepare all of the ingredients for our nutritious home cooked meal that I will prepare later in the day. The preparation in the daytime is key, otherwise I will not have enough time once the kids are home and it will end up being another night of take out! At 3:30 p.m. my son wakes from his nap and we get dressed and go pick up my daughter at school at 4:15 p.m. When we arrive home the controlled chaos starts. I enlist my daughter to help watch my son while I cook dinner. He is into everything so he needs a constant set of eyes on him. Then my husband and step-son roll through the doors awaiting their warm meal. We all eat, I bathe the kids, do homework, get the baby to bed, prepare bedtime snacks, get the other 2 kids to bed, make lunches, empty the dishwasher and once again return to my laptop to check on the days work and see what has happened since I last looked at noon! I answer all of my e-mails from the day, send out all of the things I promised to people and then spend my last waking half hour with my husband.

I don't check e-mails between 4-8 p.m. I don't answer the phone and I rarely answer text messages. I don't look at my computer, blackberry or the TV. I feel like I am performing surgery between the hours of 4:00 and 8:00 p.m. and if I take my eyes of the patient (my kids and household) things could very quickly spiral out of control. It only takes one minute to burn my supper that I sacrificed my nap time to make :) It only takes a split second for my son to fall of the couch and crack his head open on the floor. It only takes 5 minutes of me not listening to my daughter's day to bruise her self-esteem. It only takes 5 minutes of me brushing off my husband to destroy our intimate connection for the next 24+ hours. And it only takes 2 minutes for the house to become a complete disaster zone if I don't stay on top of the cleaning of the dishes, emptying of the lunch boxes and school bags, and tidying of the toys. And if that happens I am completely stressed and useless to my family.

I am honoured to be a mother and I take the job seriously. I have been criticized for "checking out" of the world and not answering the phone during the late afternoon and evening hours but I won't change it. If you need me, you can call me in the morning or while my son is napping. I was a social worker for 6 years and the one thing I took away from that career was that the greatest good I can do on this earth is to raise independent, self-respecting, productive children. And to do that I must take care of myself, first and foremost, because if I don't, what good will I be to them? We will always project our insecurities, failures, and unfulfilled expectations onto the ones we love so, as a mother, I must create the greatest life I can for myself because, after all, children learn primarily by example.