Did Hell Freeze Over?

Can anyone find out for me if Hell has frozen over?  It must have because I have an online dating profile.  I swore I'd never, but like they say, never say never!  I have only had an online profile for 5 days now and I have learned more about people in these past 5 days than I learned in my 3 year Psychology degree.  I could write a book about the past 5 days because it's literally become a full-time job just answering e-mails, texts and keeping track of who's who, who I told what to, and trying to remember the details of each person so as not to offend them when I actually meet them and forget everything they already told me.  So here it is.  My Top 10 Rules for online dating.

Top 10 Rules for Online Dating (for the ladies):

1) Men need their ego's stroked way more than they need what's in their pants stroked

2) Don't try a new shampoo, new make-up, or break in new shoes on a first date.  Stick with what works.  There's nothing like having flat, greasy hair because you felt like splurging on a new bottle of "moisturizing" shampoo with some unpronounceable oil from a foreign land in it.

3) If someone sounds too good to be true that's because they are too good to be true!

4) If someone refuses to send you a photo of themselves in advance, there is a good reason for it.  Skip the date and eat your Haagan Dazs alone.

5) Coffee dates are lame.  If someone wants to take you for a coffee they are too cheap to buy you dinner.  If you've sent them a photo and told them about yourself and the best they can do is coffee, move on sister.  A girl's gotta eat, you know.

6) The word "serious relationship" is NOT synonymous with fun. In fact, it's a total fun killer. Drop that word from your vocabulary all together.  First, ladies, start accepting that it's OK to have a little fun.  Fun is also (not always) synonymous with the word "whore".  Let go of the idea of a serious relationship.  They don't happen over night and they take time to establish.  And, furthermore, they never happen when you try too hard.  Instead, take online dating for what it is - fun!

7) Download the app "Keep Safe" for your phone because you are bound to have some nasty pictures of random naked men texted to you.  They are like a bad accident - you don't want to look but you just have to.  So tuck those away in your password protected "Keep Safe" app so when your kids are playing Angry Birds on your smart phone they don't get an unexpected anatomy lesson.

8) Remember that you are a woman.  You hold the power.  Statistically, women get substantially more hits on their profiles then men do.  Don't get discouraged.  There are millions of men on the planet who think you're hot and want you.  To be honest, I don't know the "statistics" but it sounded good, didn't it.

9) If you're sitting at home wondering if you should call, text, follow up after your date, etc.  He's doing the same thing so stop being so insecure about the whole thing and just call him for God's sake.

10) Perhaps trading in the Ford F-150 Super Cab for a less intimidating vehicle might help you attract men that want to spoil you.  It's OK to be spoiled once in a while. Even though you can do everything yourself doesn't mean you should have to.