On December 15, 2009 I discovered I was pregnant. I celebrated the beginning of 2010 by sleeping on the couch....all day and all night :) During my few hours of wakefulness I went house hunting for a new home that would accommodate our growing family. On March 19, 2010 we moved to our new house. It is a wonderful 4 bedroom house built in 1954 in the West end of Ottawa situated on a large treed lot with a large in-ground pool complete with a slide in the backyard. The house is gorgeous and full of soul. It's rarely quiet but somehow it still feels peaceful. When I wake up in the morning I feel like I am at a cottage. I look out the window into the backyard and see a dozen large pine trees and a crab apple tree whose blossoms would take your breath away in the spring. We spent a lot of money and time in the spring of 2010 to convert our swimming pool to a salt water pool. I am a nutritionist, and therefore quite health conscious. I insisted that our children have a salt water pool. When the spring thaw came, such to our dismay, we discovered a leak in our foundation. Since the house is so old and was built with a block foundation we decided to dig up over 1/2 of the perimeter of the house and re-seal the foundation. This came at a huge financial cost as well as the loss of use of our wonderful deck and yard for most of the summer. We plan on living in this house for a while, so we believe it was worth the sacrifice.
On June 9th our daughter, Freddie (mine from a previous relationship), turned 5! She demonstrated her love of swimming in our new salt water pool. From the minute she jumped in to the time we had to drag her out she would scream "I love this pool....I love it....Mom, watch me....Mom, are you watching...Mom, I love this pool!" She has successfully completed 4 levels of swimming lessons and is eager to move onto her next lessons. Freddie completed Junior Kindergarten and moved on to 100% French classes in Senior Kindergarten. She attends school full-time: Montessori School in the mornings and Public School in the afternoons. We are so pleased with her education. We feel she gets the best of both worlds. She is challenged at her Private School in different ways than her Public School. She has a wide spectrum of friends from all different socio-economic classes and her French language skills are unparalled. She really enjoys school and learns quickly. She is also very socially advanced for her age. At parent/teacher interviews her teacher said she is the "Public Relations Manager" for the class.
On July 28th I turned 34. This was a quiet year for me. I didn't buy any business, start any new ones, or sell any old ones. In early January 2010 I decided to go back to school to become a legal assistant/law clerk. It's something I do every time I get pregnant (that's only been twice, by the way). I think that a child needs a "stable" mother so I run off to school in hopes of settling on a "real" job. BUT we all know I will NEVER have a real job. It's not me and it would crush my spirit. The one that my husband has grown to appreciate in our 2nd year of marriage :) I love school - always have. Despite my extreme fatigue from pregnancy and my poor attendance to all of my early morning classes, I made the Dean's Honour List. I received a report card of straight A's for my first semester. I continued my studies throughout the summer, despite the fact that my last day of school was the due date for my baby. Luckily, my baby held off and I completed another semester of the program with excellent grades. I met a ton of "young" people in my law classes and had a good laugh in class almost every day. The amount of respect they showed to "this pregnant lady" was absolutely adorable and although I may never be a law clerk in this lifetime I enjoyed the experience immensely and I believe that all forms of education, whether you gain employment from it or not, is of value and I do intend to complete the program over the coming year(s). I read a bumper sticker not long ago that said "An educated person is one who can entertain an idea even though they may not support it". That was not the exact quote but it was something to that effect. I like it!
On August 2, 2010 our son, Azan (Sam's from a previous marriage) turned 6. For most of the year he has either had a loose tooth or had a new one growing in. He has grown into a handsome young man. He is the voice of reason in the house. When we forget the rules we can always turn to Azan for a lesson in what's right and wrong. He is a debater and stands strong on his opinions and beliefs. He started Grade 1 this year and is in an "enriched" program within his Private School class. He is extremely smart and he demonstrates this through his superior reading ability and his use of large words when speaking. When you take him grocery shopping he does not ask for apples, but rather he differentiates between the different types like Granny Smith, Macintosh and Golden Delicious. If you simply call it an "apple" in front of him, he will be quick to correct you with the correct name for that specific type of apple. We rarely buy Golden Delicious but I believe that to be his favourite....probably because of the fun name. He loves to play video games and has a real knack for mastering them quite quickly. He is not a huge fan of the pool but loves riding his bike and attempted to learn how to skateboard over the summer.
On August 21st, 2010, our son (together), Arie Ishaan Goolamallee, was born at home on the bathroom floor, both drug and intervention free, weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds 12 ounces. Labour, from start to finish, was exactly 12 hours. Unfortunately, his first few weeks of life were hard, both for baby and mommy. He was an extremely fussy baby and he slept very little. I felt on the brink of emotional breakdown for just over 7 weeks. At 7 weeks + 3 days he began to sleep and he cried less and less each day. Today, he is 4 months old and he is sweet as a peach. He weighs 19 pounds and wears 12 month old clothes. He is the master of the Jumperoo and the King of Drool. His face lights up every time he sees daddy and he stares in amazement at his brother and sister. He is the tie that binds this family and he is a gift. He eats well, sleeps well and is generally a joy to have around. His name is Arie for several reasons: 1) during a long winded discussion in my "Torts and Contract Law" class about what I should call my baby we came up with the name Arie based on my professor's brother-in-law's child (even though that is not the child's name.....go figure) 2) My husband and I watch a TV show called "Entourage" and my all-time favourite character is "Ari Gold" 3) It means "lion" in Hebrew and he is a Leo 4) We wanted a unique but non complicated name 5) It is pronounced "R-E" and those are my father's initials (Robert Edward Rivier).
On August 23rd, my husband and I celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary. This was a really good year of marriage for us. We are the textbook definition of a "blended family" and we have our challenges but we have learned to love and accept our differences. Our personalities are opposite but complimentary and our kids are also polar opposites. If you searched the entire world you would not find two more differing children than Freddie and Azan but they love each other so much and they are both thrilled to have a new baby brother. We are all excited to watch the development of Arie's little personality and see how it all turns out.
On November 9th, my husband, Sam, turned 38. On December 7th he got his dream car - a 2 door, standard transmission, Infiniti G35. He has worked very hard this year to pay for the beautiful home we live in and to help us maintain our standard of living. He has developed his entrepreneurial spirit and is working on some great ideas. His employment in the High Tech Industry continues to hold strong despite the economic changes and the future looks very bright with continued diverse opportunities arising for him in this field. His focus, drive and commitment to reaching his goals never cease to amaze me. He is a good man and a wonderful father. This was a big year for Sam. He moved to his second home and bought his second car. Two major purchases.
My goals for 2011 are to find balance again now that my infant son demands less of my time. I want to spend more quality time with my husband and I want to be a better mother to my other child(ren). I want to make loot bags and bake yummy vegan cupcakes for every holiday that my kids celebrate, I want to play outside with them and I want to teach my daughter how to skate. I also want to save my money and buy a big-ass trampoline to complete our beautiful backyard. From a business point of view, I want to sell one of my businesses, buy a commercial property to house my other business, and invest in one more solid business venture. From a personal point of view, I want to read more, have some alone time, have friends over more often and get into the best shape of my life.
My husband's goals for 2011 are to pay down a large portion of our mortgage and get back to the gym. He enjoys tennis and squash and will hopefully be able to find time to play again. He is also planning to launch one of his business ideas into full swing and he is planning a family vacation for all of us in the summer of 2011.
Life is not easy, and at times, very stressful but I cannot think of anything else I could ever want (except that big-ass trampoline). We all have our health and our children are full of self-confidence and are smart and well-liked. We live in a beautiful home and we have a small yet loyal group of friends. I am blessed with amazing women in my home and personal life who help me keep it all together (Gina, Melanie, Christina and Nicollette....and many more). Our extended families are all doing great as well. My mother suffered a bout of cancer this year but came out the other side even stronger and more beautiful that she was before. She is currently planning her wedding to a man that truly adores her in 2011. My brother has reduced his consumption of alcohol substantially and has rekindled his relationship with the mother of his child. My father has his own home and works for the best boss in the world. My mother-in-law loves her work and has begun a new and challenging position for 2011. My brother-in-law just had a baby boy as well and recently moved to a beautiful new home. He has a job that he loves and he has great kids.
We wish you Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!
The Goolamallee Family
Friday, December 24, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
New Fall Fashion - Do You Want to Wear it?
This years newest collection consists of two parts. The first part is a light brown (actually, rather pale, considering…) 6 week old baby and the second part is a long piece of dark brown fabric known as a “Cuddly Wrap” (see picture attached). You first complete a very complicated wrap and knot system with the cuddly wrap around your torso and then you insert baby and wear all day. It’s completely wash and wear and requires no ironing. You don’t even need to wear a bra with it and it covers any unsightly fat around the abdomen and bra line at the back and since you don’t have to wear a bra you don’t get any of the buldge coming out from under the strap anyway. Undergarments coloured light pink, turquoise, or fusia pink look best.
If you would like to try this fall fashion, I am looking for volunteers to model it. Currently part I of the wardrobe (the baby) won’t sleep unless he is so delicately folded into Part II of the garment (the wrap). The designer of this fashion, Natalie Goolamallee, and co-designer, Sam Goolamallee (playing a much smaller role in the creation, of course), would really like someone else to sport this look for a couple of hours per day to see if they like it.
This new trend looks great on anyone and I hear that as long as you are warm and have a cushy chest to lean on Part I (the baby) of this fashion will look and feel great, just like you! Since this such a new release, no one else, besides the designer, has worn this yet and she is eager to share with the world. All chests are the same to men so I am assuming the garments can be worn by any woman who is willing.
There is one potential negative side effect that you need to be aware of: This garment could cause a real yearning to have a baby. If this happens, please follow the instructions below:
Step 1 – Carefully remove the baby from the wrap and return it to its sleeping designer
Step 2 – Exit the premises immediately
Step 3 – Stay away from any man you would consider coitis with for a minimum of 48 hours or until the side effect wares off
Step 4 – NEVER wear this fall fashion again!
If you are interested in sporting this fashion, there are a few rules:
1.You must NOT need to be entertained – designer is going to sleep while you try on her creation
2.You must have a strong low back
3.You must like walking in the rain, wind, snow, sunshine, hail storm or any other weather condition that presents itself during the months of October and November
4.Preferably female
If it sounds like you are a candidate to sport this new look there are 2 fittings per day: 8:45 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. You can contact the designer to make an appointment.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Cut the Crap!
Cut the Crap! This is the name for a TV show I want to make. I am constantly doling out advice to people who are allowing drama to affect their daily lives. Let's face it - drama does not fly out of the sky and land on you; you invite it into your life. The only way to stop all the crap is to accept that philosophy and take responsibility for what happens to you in life!
At work, the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition, I constantly deal with students who are all distraught and are asking for an extension on their assignment, permission to write an exam at a later date, or simply just vanishing from the program of study because of some shit going on in life that they can't handle. Didn't anyone ever notice that everyone has a lot to handle, everyone has trauma, and everyone has stress??? If you can't handle it, then either get rid of it or learn how to manage it.
Stress is never going to go away. We all encounter stress of some kind. Just lying on the couch breathing air causes some level of stress to the body. The air has pollutants in it that the body must deal with and, perhaps the couch is not so ergonomically supporting resulting in some physical stress on your structural system (bones and muscles). Then of course we have the stress that comes along with interrelating with people. Family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and even complete strangers cause us emotional turmoil every single day. We have to learn how to cope with the volume of stress we are subjected to each day. But even more importantly, we need to decide which ones are actually worth stressing over and which are not. So many people get their undies all tied up in a knot over the smallest, most meaningless things in life. Seriously, if you put things into perspective you will see that at least 50% of the stuff you are worrying about is really unimportant in the scope of life usually because it's stuff you have no control over anyway. If you can't control it, do you think worrying about it is going to change its course?
I think many of us fear that if we don't worry and stress about things we will become complacent or unmotivated and not accomplish things. I actually believe the opposite. Do you know how much energy and resources you would free up if you stopped all that worrying? Worrying is both mentally and physically draining. The time and energy spent on worry and stress could be freed up to allow creative juices to flow in the brain resulting in the creation of new ideas and the destruction of old, useless patterns.
The other day a young girl at my school came to me crying. She said she could not write her test because her ex-boyfriend was stalking her. He called her so many times at her place of work that she was at risk of losing her job. He bothered her at home and was simply interrupting all aspects of her life. She asked if she could write the test another day instead. Well, let me ask "is anything going to be different in two days from now?" The answer is NO unless some action is taken today to get rid of the problem. Delaying a test only creates 2 problems: 1) You have a boyfriend who stalks you, and now 2) You are behind in your studies. My solution for her then was I would allow her to delay the test but only if she was going to take this 'free' day to solve one of her problems. If you want to write the test without the same level of anxiety in a couple of days from now you need to get a restraining order against that ex-boyfriend and you need to stop feeling guilty about hurting his feelings. Every time he harasses you, call the police and have it dealt with. Who cares if it hurts his feelings? That's his issue. You want to fail school, end your chances at a new career and lose your current job all because you don't want to hurt that asshole’s feelings? Come on, does that make any sense? Really? There are many people out in the world who are deserving of our sympathies but, sweetheart, he is not one of them! Someone willing to destroy your chances at success to feed thier own needs (without giving anything back in return) should go feed on someone (or something) else.
So please, cut the crap!
At work, the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition, I constantly deal with students who are all distraught and are asking for an extension on their assignment, permission to write an exam at a later date, or simply just vanishing from the program of study because of some shit going on in life that they can't handle. Didn't anyone ever notice that everyone has a lot to handle, everyone has trauma, and everyone has stress??? If you can't handle it, then either get rid of it or learn how to manage it.
Stress is never going to go away. We all encounter stress of some kind. Just lying on the couch breathing air causes some level of stress to the body. The air has pollutants in it that the body must deal with and, perhaps the couch is not so ergonomically supporting resulting in some physical stress on your structural system (bones and muscles). Then of course we have the stress that comes along with interrelating with people. Family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and even complete strangers cause us emotional turmoil every single day. We have to learn how to cope with the volume of stress we are subjected to each day. But even more importantly, we need to decide which ones are actually worth stressing over and which are not. So many people get their undies all tied up in a knot over the smallest, most meaningless things in life. Seriously, if you put things into perspective you will see that at least 50% of the stuff you are worrying about is really unimportant in the scope of life usually because it's stuff you have no control over anyway. If you can't control it, do you think worrying about it is going to change its course?
I think many of us fear that if we don't worry and stress about things we will become complacent or unmotivated and not accomplish things. I actually believe the opposite. Do you know how much energy and resources you would free up if you stopped all that worrying? Worrying is both mentally and physically draining. The time and energy spent on worry and stress could be freed up to allow creative juices to flow in the brain resulting in the creation of new ideas and the destruction of old, useless patterns.
The other day a young girl at my school came to me crying. She said she could not write her test because her ex-boyfriend was stalking her. He called her so many times at her place of work that she was at risk of losing her job. He bothered her at home and was simply interrupting all aspects of her life. She asked if she could write the test another day instead. Well, let me ask "is anything going to be different in two days from now?" The answer is NO unless some action is taken today to get rid of the problem. Delaying a test only creates 2 problems: 1) You have a boyfriend who stalks you, and now 2) You are behind in your studies. My solution for her then was I would allow her to delay the test but only if she was going to take this 'free' day to solve one of her problems. If you want to write the test without the same level of anxiety in a couple of days from now you need to get a restraining order against that ex-boyfriend and you need to stop feeling guilty about hurting his feelings. Every time he harasses you, call the police and have it dealt with. Who cares if it hurts his feelings? That's his issue. You want to fail school, end your chances at a new career and lose your current job all because you don't want to hurt that asshole’s feelings? Come on, does that make any sense? Really? There are many people out in the world who are deserving of our sympathies but, sweetheart, he is not one of them! Someone willing to destroy your chances at success to feed thier own needs (without giving anything back in return) should go feed on someone (or something) else.
So please, cut the crap!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I'm the Inspiration
I've been having a little trouble lately walking my talk. My dream in life is to be a famous motivational speaker. I want to write books, travel around and speak to others. I also want to flip houses for a living but I can do that too! Anyway, I am a somewhat controversial speaker. I never sugar coat things. I am very direct with people and I stand very strong for what I believe in. This sometimes shakes people up more than they would like to be shaken up and they sometimes react negatively; however, I can't ever remember a time when someone has reacted negatively and not come back to me some time later to thank me for the personal power I had given them. They were just not ready to hear my philosophies at that particular time I guess.
Lately I have been questioning the status of my life. Is this it? Is this how it is? I am married. I have a 4 year old and my husband has a 5 year old that we have 50% custody of. I am 4 months pregnant with another child. I own a successful medium sized business and a 'to be successful someday' small business. I have a rental property and a principal residence that require care and maintenance. I go to school full-time where I am studying to be a Paralegal. I know it sounds like a lot but the time committment is not that substantial considering. The issue for me is energy. I have fit all of those things into my schedule along with regularly scheduled workouts and house cleaning and of course the unexpected things that come up everyday. I just feel like there is so much more I want to do but don't have the energy. I want to wake up earlier so that I am not stressing my children in the morning (we are late because of me, not because of them!). I want to go for tea with my friends whom I have totally lost touch with over the years. I want to enjoy my husband more. I want to do one new thing every week, like try a new restaurant or go somewhere I have never been before. I want to build snowmen with my kids, do crafts, bake healthy treats and take them new places. I want to travel and I want to read more.
There has to be more to life than the stuff we have to do but how do we fit it all in? Well, the other day I was speaking to my beloved assistant at work about this very question and she said "so if you don't like the way things are going then change them! That's what you always do!" She's right! What the hell am I doing standing around whining? This is not the Nat I know or the Nat that she knows. Nat Goolamallee (or Rivier as you may know me) gets shit done. Change is my middle name. If I don't like something I change it! I tell everyone else to do the same and I question why they think it's so hard.
Then, 2 days ago I came into work and my nutritionist was counseling a client. I overheard the discussion a bit and realized I had spoken with this woman on the phone and had convinced her to join our 12-week weight loss program. I introduced myself and she said that she had already met me. She said I had been a guest speaker at "The Biggest Loser Ottawa" contest last year and she thought I was such an inspiration! Again, this struck a cord with me. Here is a woman who has 3 young children and is over 200 pounds. I know nothing else about her but I do know that being an overweight woman has to be one of the biggest personal hurdles to overcome, particularly in a society where it is not acceptable and in a society where good, healthy food is actually difficult to find!
So today I am back to being the Nat that I, and everyone else, know. If I want things to be different then it is up to me to change them. I started with a new hairstyle. Trivial, yet still a sign of new beginning.
Look forward to my blog more often now. I felt dull, like I had nothing new to talk about. Now I am back and each day brings new ideas, accomplishments, challenges and lessons. All of which I wish to share.
Lately I have been questioning the status of my life. Is this it? Is this how it is? I am married. I have a 4 year old and my husband has a 5 year old that we have 50% custody of. I am 4 months pregnant with another child. I own a successful medium sized business and a 'to be successful someday' small business. I have a rental property and a principal residence that require care and maintenance. I go to school full-time where I am studying to be a Paralegal. I know it sounds like a lot but the time committment is not that substantial considering. The issue for me is energy. I have fit all of those things into my schedule along with regularly scheduled workouts and house cleaning and of course the unexpected things that come up everyday. I just feel like there is so much more I want to do but don't have the energy. I want to wake up earlier so that I am not stressing my children in the morning (we are late because of me, not because of them!). I want to go for tea with my friends whom I have totally lost touch with over the years. I want to enjoy my husband more. I want to do one new thing every week, like try a new restaurant or go somewhere I have never been before. I want to build snowmen with my kids, do crafts, bake healthy treats and take them new places. I want to travel and I want to read more.
There has to be more to life than the stuff we have to do but how do we fit it all in? Well, the other day I was speaking to my beloved assistant at work about this very question and she said "so if you don't like the way things are going then change them! That's what you always do!" She's right! What the hell am I doing standing around whining? This is not the Nat I know or the Nat that she knows. Nat Goolamallee (or Rivier as you may know me) gets shit done. Change is my middle name. If I don't like something I change it! I tell everyone else to do the same and I question why they think it's so hard.
Then, 2 days ago I came into work and my nutritionist was counseling a client. I overheard the discussion a bit and realized I had spoken with this woman on the phone and had convinced her to join our 12-week weight loss program. I introduced myself and she said that she had already met me. She said I had been a guest speaker at "The Biggest Loser Ottawa" contest last year and she thought I was such an inspiration! Again, this struck a cord with me. Here is a woman who has 3 young children and is over 200 pounds. I know nothing else about her but I do know that being an overweight woman has to be one of the biggest personal hurdles to overcome, particularly in a society where it is not acceptable and in a society where good, healthy food is actually difficult to find!
So today I am back to being the Nat that I, and everyone else, know. If I want things to be different then it is up to me to change them. I started with a new hairstyle. Trivial, yet still a sign of new beginning.
Look forward to my blog more often now. I felt dull, like I had nothing new to talk about. Now I am back and each day brings new ideas, accomplishments, challenges and lessons. All of which I wish to share.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Every Woman is Entitled to a Meltdown Now and Then!
Today I am searching for things to be grateful for. I think 2 weeks at home has started to strip me of my sanity. Really. It's very rare, or practically never, that I feel ill equipped to handle things in my life. In fact that is what I base all of my successes on. The idea of the possibility of failure is somehow foreign to me. I don't know why but it never crosses my mind that I won't be able to do something. Until today....and yesterday....and the day before.
Where shall I start?
Well, I am 7 weeks pregnant right now. Currently I live in what I call "my husband's house". It's a 4 story house with 3 bedrooms and a tiny basement. I don't feel like I have any space that I can claim as my own. It doesn't bother me much though because I own 2 businesses and I feel like those are my personal spaces because I created them and I maintain them to my liking. However, now that I have a baby on the way I see 2 challenges. 1) There are not enough bedrooms in this house for 3 children and parents, and 2) I will be home a lot more with a newborn and I will need some space I can call my own. As a result, I decided to start house hunting. If you know me you know that indecisiveness is not in my character. I am not the type to shop around and look at 25 houses and stay awake all night trying to decide which one is best. Totally not me! So I looked at 3 houses and bang, I found the one. There is no need to look any further. This is it! I love it! I went house hunting by myself because, let's just say, houses are not really my husband's forte. He has been paying the Enbridge bill for 10 years but if you came to our house right now and asked him what his house is heated by he would say he doens't know and he is not lying, he truly doesn't know. I am grateful (there's the 1st thing I am grateful for today) that he completely trusts in me to sell his house and pick us a new one. He barely even questions anything I tell him. He tells me he will follow whatever I say. I did show him this new "dream house" and he agrees that it is nice and he likes it. My husband is not the most adaptable person in the world. Moving is therefore a really big deal to him. The great thing is that this new house is 3 minutes down the road from his current house and he lived directly across from this new house when he first moved to Canada so it's almost like he's been there before so hopefully it won't be to painful for him. It's actually so odd that we manage to get along because I am the complete polar opposite of that. I love change. I thrive on it. In fact if one day goes by without change I am sure to stir something up on purpose just to create some change. When I am home for more than 3 consecutive days like during summer holidays for example, I, at the very least, move some furniture around and re-do a room in the house just to have a change.
OK, so I found my "dream house". Immediately I listed my husbands house for sale. We have put an offer in on the new house conditional upon the sale of ours. We have apparently been given 1 week to sell ours. I obviously counter offered that one with 30 days!! What is this homeowner trying to prove??? One week? Give me a fucking break!
So now I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Buying a house and selling a house is not a big deal to me. I have moved 7 times in the past 5 years. No big deal. The thing that is overwhelming me is the condition of our current house. My husband has a side business in which he repairs XBOX's. And as a result we have at least 50 XBOX's in this house that we are keeping "for parts". The dining room is filled with XBOX's, the living room is filled with XBOX's and the basement storage is filled with XBOX's. All of this needs to be cleaned up by Monday (today is Friday) when the showings will begin. And there are just some things in life, very few I must say, that I will refuse to do, but cleaning up XBOX's is one of them! Perhaps I am being a bitch because it's because of those XBOX's that we are able to afford many of the luxuries in life including the purchase of this new house but I just can't fathom cleaning up those XBOX's. But I NEED this house spotless by Monday so we can sell it ASAP!
Yesterday I attempted to clean the top 2 floors of this 4 story house. I cleaned the bedrooms and bathrooms and almost completed the kitchen. I cleared all of the art work off of the fridge. I put all the bathroom items in baskets. I put all the kids toys, easle and craft supplies out of sight. I cleaned the grout in the tiles and I cleaned under everything that I could lift on my own....which is everything I guess. Now one day later, after 2 kids and a little cousin have spent 24 hours in the house my work is practically invisible. How can I keep up? And how on earth will I be able to keep my new, even larger, house clean and organized with what is soon to be 3 children? Try as I may, I am not one of those mom's who can ignore the mess and just enjoy my children. Cleanliness is a BIG deal to me. It always has been and it always will be. I think it's a good quality and I don't want to change it. I may drive myself in sane trying to maintain my standard of cleanliness but I will continue to do so despite the cost to my mental state. I guess I feel so much resentment when I stuggle so hard to keep things clean and no one even notices the diffence and no one makes an effort to help me maintain the state of cleanliness that I work so hard for. I don't know how many times I have freaked out on my family and told them to pick up after themselves. I don't want any help cleaning. I like doing it myself. All I ask is that they pick up after themselves. Like put thier dirty clothes in the laundry basket and thier dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I don't think it's a lot to ask. What would they do it I wasn't here? I suppose they would leave all of their dirty clothes on the floor and when they ran out of clean ones they would learn how to use the washing machine and when all of the plates, bowls, dessert plates, and paper plates (if we had any) were all used up perhaps they would load up the dishwasher and run it for a cycle. I am sure they would not empty the dishwasher and put the dishes away though. I can guarantee they would simply pull a clean dish as needed from the dishwasher until it was empty.
Oh ya, I was trying to find things to be grateful for right...
Well, yesterday I went to my tenants house to pick up rent money from her. She was not there so I called her on her cell and asked her if I could enter since I had my brother with me and we could install the cabinet she had asked me to do last week. I reminded her that it was very short notice and she had the right to deny me entry. She had no problem with my unexpected visit and much to my suprise the state of the house had improved substantially since my last visit. My last visit, by the way, was with the exterminator to rid the house of the cockroaches she had so kindly brought with her when she moved it. I will admit there were still several dirty dishes on the counter and old food open on display everywhere but besides that I could actually see the floor this week. The living room was in order and the basement family room was somewhat organized. I really like this tenant despite her major lack of cleanliness and sanitation issues and I hope to have a long standing tenant-landlord relationship with her. I was sceptical when I went with the exterminator but I am more confident now that this tenant will work out decently well in the long run. And for this I am grateful.
Now to get to the point or the issue that I fear I may not be capable of handling. I tend not to be the type to worry about things that are far off into the future but this time I am wrought with worry. Wrought with worry that I will not be able to co-parent a child. Everyday I hear women tell me how difficult it is to be a single parent. I totally can't relate to that. I was a single mother for about 3 years and I would argue any day that single parenting is easier. There is one fundamental reason for that. When you have a child with someone your expectations of them change and if they don't live up to those expectations the resentment grows so deep. When that happens the primary care provider, typically the mother, begins to have less patience for the child and indirectly takes this anger out on the child. Not to mention she is generally unhappy in her own situation overall. Well, from personal experience, that's what happens to me anyway. My husband claims that he is a 50% contributor to child raising. Frankly I resent this claim but it doens't seem to bother me that much because he is not the father of my child which leads me to have little expectations of him, or anyone, to help me. Today, for example, he slept in until 10:00 a.m. I got up with my daughter, his son and my neice who stayed the night. I made them all breakfast. My husband informed me that "we" needed to wash his son's sheets because his ex-wife believes you should start the New Year "fresh". So I washed his sheets and our sheets because he has slept in our bed the past few nights and heaven forbid the sheets not be "fresh" on whatever bed he ended up in. I did other laundry and cleaning as well. I bathed the 2 girls and washed thier hair and styled it with pretty pink accessories. I sent the kids out to play which resulted in failure after about 5 minutes so I made lunch for everyone. When lunch was finished I cleaned up. Later my daughter went to play at a friend's house and I sat with my step-son and watched him fail repeatedly at Super Mario Bros but encouraged him to keep trying. I took everything out of the fridge and cleaned all of the shelves and drawers. I put all the laundry away, cooked supper, cleaned up and gave my step-son a shower. I watched a movie with the children, made them popcorn, fruit before bed, brushed thier teeth, cuddled them each for 5 minutes, emptied the dishwasher and took out the garbage. I have no problem doing all of that except for the fact that I am 7 weeks pregnant and tired as hell. I feel like regurgitating every meal I eat and I am completely going mad with being cooped up in the house all day. Today is January 1st and everything is closed. These days tend to drive me crazy so I make it a point to get out if even just to fill my car up with gas. My body needs some sun and fresh air to stay sane. Did I mention I had a complete meltdown on the floor in the hallway between the 2 kids rooms? When I put them to bed my daughter said she was scared and did not want to sleep in her bed. I couldn't take it. I started balling me eyes out and I sat on the floor weeping. Yes, my children must think I am insane! All I wanted was for the children to go to sleep so that I could have 30 minutes by myself before my bed time. I think they got the idea. Both children attempted to cheer me up and they both clearly felt so bad for me even though I am sure they haven't the slightest clue why I am crying over time for myself. Anyway, my step-son summed it up nicely when he said, and I quote,"Auntie Natalie. You gotta toughen up! Sometimes you just cry and you don't even know it". I am positive this is a mis quote of something he recently heard in a movie but you know what I will heed his advice and toughen up!
Where shall I start?
Well, I am 7 weeks pregnant right now. Currently I live in what I call "my husband's house". It's a 4 story house with 3 bedrooms and a tiny basement. I don't feel like I have any space that I can claim as my own. It doesn't bother me much though because I own 2 businesses and I feel like those are my personal spaces because I created them and I maintain them to my liking. However, now that I have a baby on the way I see 2 challenges. 1) There are not enough bedrooms in this house for 3 children and parents, and 2) I will be home a lot more with a newborn and I will need some space I can call my own. As a result, I decided to start house hunting. If you know me you know that indecisiveness is not in my character. I am not the type to shop around and look at 25 houses and stay awake all night trying to decide which one is best. Totally not me! So I looked at 3 houses and bang, I found the one. There is no need to look any further. This is it! I love it! I went house hunting by myself because, let's just say, houses are not really my husband's forte. He has been paying the Enbridge bill for 10 years but if you came to our house right now and asked him what his house is heated by he would say he doens't know and he is not lying, he truly doesn't know. I am grateful (there's the 1st thing I am grateful for today) that he completely trusts in me to sell his house and pick us a new one. He barely even questions anything I tell him. He tells me he will follow whatever I say. I did show him this new "dream house" and he agrees that it is nice and he likes it. My husband is not the most adaptable person in the world. Moving is therefore a really big deal to him. The great thing is that this new house is 3 minutes down the road from his current house and he lived directly across from this new house when he first moved to Canada so it's almost like he's been there before so hopefully it won't be to painful for him. It's actually so odd that we manage to get along because I am the complete polar opposite of that. I love change. I thrive on it. In fact if one day goes by without change I am sure to stir something up on purpose just to create some change. When I am home for more than 3 consecutive days like during summer holidays for example, I, at the very least, move some furniture around and re-do a room in the house just to have a change.
OK, so I found my "dream house". Immediately I listed my husbands house for sale. We have put an offer in on the new house conditional upon the sale of ours. We have apparently been given 1 week to sell ours. I obviously counter offered that one with 30 days!! What is this homeowner trying to prove??? One week? Give me a fucking break!
So now I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Buying a house and selling a house is not a big deal to me. I have moved 7 times in the past 5 years. No big deal. The thing that is overwhelming me is the condition of our current house. My husband has a side business in which he repairs XBOX's. And as a result we have at least 50 XBOX's in this house that we are keeping "for parts". The dining room is filled with XBOX's, the living room is filled with XBOX's and the basement storage is filled with XBOX's. All of this needs to be cleaned up by Monday (today is Friday) when the showings will begin. And there are just some things in life, very few I must say, that I will refuse to do, but cleaning up XBOX's is one of them! Perhaps I am being a bitch because it's because of those XBOX's that we are able to afford many of the luxuries in life including the purchase of this new house but I just can't fathom cleaning up those XBOX's. But I NEED this house spotless by Monday so we can sell it ASAP!
Yesterday I attempted to clean the top 2 floors of this 4 story house. I cleaned the bedrooms and bathrooms and almost completed the kitchen. I cleared all of the art work off of the fridge. I put all the bathroom items in baskets. I put all the kids toys, easle and craft supplies out of sight. I cleaned the grout in the tiles and I cleaned under everything that I could lift on my own....which is everything I guess. Now one day later, after 2 kids and a little cousin have spent 24 hours in the house my work is practically invisible. How can I keep up? And how on earth will I be able to keep my new, even larger, house clean and organized with what is soon to be 3 children? Try as I may, I am not one of those mom's who can ignore the mess and just enjoy my children. Cleanliness is a BIG deal to me. It always has been and it always will be. I think it's a good quality and I don't want to change it. I may drive myself in sane trying to maintain my standard of cleanliness but I will continue to do so despite the cost to my mental state. I guess I feel so much resentment when I stuggle so hard to keep things clean and no one even notices the diffence and no one makes an effort to help me maintain the state of cleanliness that I work so hard for. I don't know how many times I have freaked out on my family and told them to pick up after themselves. I don't want any help cleaning. I like doing it myself. All I ask is that they pick up after themselves. Like put thier dirty clothes in the laundry basket and thier dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I don't think it's a lot to ask. What would they do it I wasn't here? I suppose they would leave all of their dirty clothes on the floor and when they ran out of clean ones they would learn how to use the washing machine and when all of the plates, bowls, dessert plates, and paper plates (if we had any) were all used up perhaps they would load up the dishwasher and run it for a cycle. I am sure they would not empty the dishwasher and put the dishes away though. I can guarantee they would simply pull a clean dish as needed from the dishwasher until it was empty.
Oh ya, I was trying to find things to be grateful for right...
Well, yesterday I went to my tenants house to pick up rent money from her. She was not there so I called her on her cell and asked her if I could enter since I had my brother with me and we could install the cabinet she had asked me to do last week. I reminded her that it was very short notice and she had the right to deny me entry. She had no problem with my unexpected visit and much to my suprise the state of the house had improved substantially since my last visit. My last visit, by the way, was with the exterminator to rid the house of the cockroaches she had so kindly brought with her when she moved it. I will admit there were still several dirty dishes on the counter and old food open on display everywhere but besides that I could actually see the floor this week. The living room was in order and the basement family room was somewhat organized. I really like this tenant despite her major lack of cleanliness and sanitation issues and I hope to have a long standing tenant-landlord relationship with her. I was sceptical when I went with the exterminator but I am more confident now that this tenant will work out decently well in the long run. And for this I am grateful.
Now to get to the point or the issue that I fear I may not be capable of handling. I tend not to be the type to worry about things that are far off into the future but this time I am wrought with worry. Wrought with worry that I will not be able to co-parent a child. Everyday I hear women tell me how difficult it is to be a single parent. I totally can't relate to that. I was a single mother for about 3 years and I would argue any day that single parenting is easier. There is one fundamental reason for that. When you have a child with someone your expectations of them change and if they don't live up to those expectations the resentment grows so deep. When that happens the primary care provider, typically the mother, begins to have less patience for the child and indirectly takes this anger out on the child. Not to mention she is generally unhappy in her own situation overall. Well, from personal experience, that's what happens to me anyway. My husband claims that he is a 50% contributor to child raising. Frankly I resent this claim but it doens't seem to bother me that much because he is not the father of my child which leads me to have little expectations of him, or anyone, to help me. Today, for example, he slept in until 10:00 a.m. I got up with my daughter, his son and my neice who stayed the night. I made them all breakfast. My husband informed me that "we" needed to wash his son's sheets because his ex-wife believes you should start the New Year "fresh". So I washed his sheets and our sheets because he has slept in our bed the past few nights and heaven forbid the sheets not be "fresh" on whatever bed he ended up in. I did other laundry and cleaning as well. I bathed the 2 girls and washed thier hair and styled it with pretty pink accessories. I sent the kids out to play which resulted in failure after about 5 minutes so I made lunch for everyone. When lunch was finished I cleaned up. Later my daughter went to play at a friend's house and I sat with my step-son and watched him fail repeatedly at Super Mario Bros but encouraged him to keep trying. I took everything out of the fridge and cleaned all of the shelves and drawers. I put all the laundry away, cooked supper, cleaned up and gave my step-son a shower. I watched a movie with the children, made them popcorn, fruit before bed, brushed thier teeth, cuddled them each for 5 minutes, emptied the dishwasher and took out the garbage. I have no problem doing all of that except for the fact that I am 7 weeks pregnant and tired as hell. I feel like regurgitating every meal I eat and I am completely going mad with being cooped up in the house all day. Today is January 1st and everything is closed. These days tend to drive me crazy so I make it a point to get out if even just to fill my car up with gas. My body needs some sun and fresh air to stay sane. Did I mention I had a complete meltdown on the floor in the hallway between the 2 kids rooms? When I put them to bed my daughter said she was scared and did not want to sleep in her bed. I couldn't take it. I started balling me eyes out and I sat on the floor weeping. Yes, my children must think I am insane! All I wanted was for the children to go to sleep so that I could have 30 minutes by myself before my bed time. I think they got the idea. Both children attempted to cheer me up and they both clearly felt so bad for me even though I am sure they haven't the slightest clue why I am crying over time for myself. Anyway, my step-son summed it up nicely when he said, and I quote,"Auntie Natalie. You gotta toughen up! Sometimes you just cry and you don't even know it". I am positive this is a mis quote of something he recently heard in a movie but you know what I will heed his advice and toughen up!
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